Gem and I are lying in the sofa together. We could be using this time to put the Christmas decorations up, but we don’t feel like it.
Instead we are talking about masturbation. More specifically male masturbation. Gem is telling me how she’d like to see me masturbate for her. I tell her it doesn’t work that way, she is the sub and I decide. During our play it’s not uncommon for me to direct her to masturbate, so I can watch for my pleasure. It plays into her humiliation fantasies and I enjoy it too.
I tell her if it was the other way round I would feel like I was making a performance out of it. Nobody wants to see the grim reality of solitary male masturbation as far as I’m concerned.
“I could make you, if you wanted me to top you,” she says. I’m curious, this isnt something we do, so I allow it.
“Are you sure?” She looks slightly nervous about it. I’m interested to see how this goes, she rolls over so that she is looking over me. Turns out I was very naive about what was about to happen.
“Put your hand on your cock and touch yourself!” She is stern and frightening. I stand to attention in more ways than one. She towering over me, staring into my eyes. I comply to her command.
“Is this how you touch yourself when you’re alone?”
The answer is no, not for the previous reasons. I don’t say anything, I darent. I looked at my left arm which she has trapped. It is freed and I am allowed to continue. But she sees the fear on my face. I have seen a side to her I haven’t seen before. She asks if I want her to stop, I say “no” gingerly. I’m feeling conflicted, terrified yet really turned on.
I should say here that Gem likes to watch videos for ‘research’, usually involving a Domme. It is clear that she has taken some of this on board.
She is strict and is saying things to make me squirm. She asks again
“Is this how you touch yourself?”
I don’t know how to answer I want to say yes ma’am, mistress? I’m not sure, we haven’t discussed this.
“Yes *Given name*!”
Of course, in my panic I forgot I could use her real name.
As she continues she says something that turns out is an emotional trigger for me, she wasn’t to know. It’s important to know before play, but this wasn’t proper play. She can see the fear in my face so decides to stop anyway, even though when asked if I’m OK I was still replying yes. Good job, it’s only been a couple of minutes and I need a cuddle.
We don’t switch in our dynamic and I don’t see that changing. But I get it, having control taken from you and being humiliated is a powerful thing. I’d rather stay on the other side after experiencing that thank you very much. But it highlighted a few things. It showed how important aftercare is, there has been times when I haven’t given sufficient care and I understand more about how important it is. I also know how much Gem wants to be pushed, I have been afraid to know how far to go. She treated me how she wants me to treat her. She wants to be completely dominated, so it looks like I’ll have to step it up.
Later on we go to bed. I decide to establish my dominance again. I force myself upon her, with stern words. My hand wraps around her neck and she instantly melts. A finger or two slip easily inside her. She is under my control and our positions are reaffirmed. I then stop, tell her “good night” and leave her flustered.