I’m not really one for labels, but I guess that’s because I never have fit into the slot very well. I should find it annoying as I like things to be in neat boxes, preferably with crisp stickers on the front but I have learnt time and time again that I don’t fit. It’s the same with our D/s dynamic we incorporate whatever we want into it and it works for us, stuff the rules. I think this is the most important thing we learnt early on, there’s no point trying to emulate someone else’s dynamic, everyone is different, just do what works for you.
Early on in our D/s journey PurpleSole and I had a discussion on what we were going to call each other during play. PS didn’t like the term Sir but with all the research he had done it probably was the technical term we should use, so we did. I think it got used for around a day or two until he changed it to Master. The problem with Master was that everyone assumed a Master/Slave dynamic. When we were on online forums and trying to ask people for advice during situations I mainly got the response “You call him Master, that makes you a slave so you have no say.” No, that was not for us. We have always had an open honest relationship built on respect and trust and that wasn’t going to change because of D/s, far from it I see D/s as only strengthening these thing. Another aspect of M/s dynamics that we kept reading about was that safewords weren’t to be used, someone stated that this would end the dynamic altogether for them. Again, not for us. I have rarely used my safewords, (apart from when doing impact play that we had agreed wouldn’t end until I safe worded) but we both think they are very important. I think the fact PS can read my body language and tells so well is amazing, but I know he wouldn’t be happy if he thought I wasn’t comfortable to use my safewords if I needed to. So in the end I ditched that particular site and I kept calling PS Master.
I mentioned what I called PS during play earlier rather than all the time because early on we were only going to be in our D/s roles during our private fun time, this moved very quickly into our whole lives. I guess most people would define this as 24/7 but I don’t really like using the term. Our children and marriage will always come before D/s, it wouldn’t be feasible for us any other way. In front of the children I won’t refer to PS as master, although they are too young to understand now it’s just not something we wish to do. When we are alone any other time I do though. I show respect to PS and follow our rules and protocols at all times and I always treat him as my dominant. If this slips on occasion, (I’m only human) I expect to be pulled up about it and punished. Perhaps not straight away, if the situation isn’t right for it, but in the evening when we are in private.
We have recently started to introduce times of high protocol into our scenes, something PS read about when researching M/s that we were interested in. This is where there are a more strict set of rules for me as a sub to follow that treat me more as property, i.e. no eye contact, no talking (unless permission granted if necessary). As we become more comfortable in our dynamic things change and our wants and needs do as well. I don’t think any of my red or amber limits (hard and soft limits) are the same as what I wrote originally for PS. I see that as a good thing, they have changed as I gave up more control to PS.
Other labels in the D/s lifestyle are more down to the characteristics of the Dom and sub. I mentioned that we incorporate whatever play that PS decides (that’s on my green or amber list if discussed). So that’s a whole range of different things for us, but I don’t really consider myself for example, a pet or a little. For me these are just sides of my personality that we like to explore, they’ve always been there it’s just that D/s has allowed us to look at it a bit differently. I know this again is different for everyone but this is how it works for us. Side-note PS and I wrote a post for The Safeword D/s Club about our pet play if you wish to check it out.