The last 5 months have changed my life so much. That sounds like a overstatement but it’s not. Not for me anyway. It was something that needed to change though, I guess I had gotten into a bit of a slump. It’s not that I was unhappy in my marriage, far from it. We were (and are) really close and love each other very much. I wasn’t unhappy with my children, having two young ones so close together is a challenge but one I feel a privileged to have.
Our D/s journey started a bit hap-hazadly, it was when our youngest child was around 2 months old. I was very self conscious about my body, having two children quite close together left me feeling very unhappy when I looked in the mirror. Stretch marks and floppy tummy are not attractive and I had decided that if that’s what I felt then PurpleSole would obviously think that too. So our ‘bedroom’ activities became less which had a knock on affect on our relationship in general. I should explain yes I had just had a baby but we are very sex oriented, even in our vanilla lives, we find it intergeral to our relationship to stay connected in this way. So the fact that this had become affected was a massive red flashing light for us. I also found it difficult in the early days of having my second child to deal with the guilty feelings that I was leaving one or the other out, in the end I think I stretched myself a bit too much when they probably wouldn’t have cared.
We talked things through but the same feelings kept arrising and nothing seemed to help. One evening once the kids were in bed, I suggested watching 50 Shades, both had neither read or watched it but before but due to the hype knew pretty much what it was about. I’m not sure we made it through the whole film before we were playing about with each other and I distinctly remember PS pushing me against the wall and pinning my hands up. That was the start really, something had clicked and we couldn’t let it go.
We started in a bit of a frenzy, in our vanilla lives we were fairly used to elements of kink so we pretty much dived in. What made me realise how much it meant to PS as well as myself was the amount of research and reading he did in those early weeks. It really made me appreciate him and made me want to submit even more. Of course we made some basic mistakes to start with, there were some rules that were a bit silly. Punishment was something that we struggled with for a while and I guess we were really confusing punishment with ‘funishment’ aswell. But overall we have worked to create a loving, respectful dynamic that works for us.
I felt like I needed something to ground me, to help me process my life. This is what D/s has done for me and so much more. I feel more confident in myself to do things that I never would have done in my vanilla life, some things I wanted to do before D/s that I just wouldn’t have had the guts to do. Writing erotic fiction is an example of this. There are also things I just wouldn’t have thought about or even dreamt about trying that I have had my eyes opened to now. PS is working on my body issues and helping me see myself how he sees me. He has also given me an exercise routine that’s made me feel more positive.
I feel like I have opened the D/s version of Pandora’s box, loved the content even though I shouldn’t and now there is no way that thing is being prized out of my hands. I will happily put up with the awkward conversations with friends as I lie about what I have done in my evenings, the interesting marks on my bottom when I go swimming with the children and the drug like addiction for PS that D/s has given me. It has just been an immense experience so far.